TV Squad: The Mr. and Mrs. Britney Spears Show

Former pop-virgin Britney Spears and her skeezy trophy groom Kevin Federline have signed on to star in a six-episode "reality" show for UPN. The as-yet-untitled program will document the couple's "courtship, engagement and wedding" and will largely consist of footage shot by the gruesome twosome themselves on home video. UPN is hiring an outside producer to rush the project into post, and is hoping to premiere by the end of this season. The whole business is apparently - and this is a quote from Miss Toxic herself - an attempt by Mrs. Federline to turn over a new leaf: "I am now going to be expressing my personal life through art."

Wow. Britney on my tv, for six whole weeks. It's too bad that she went ahead and married that.... thing. The worst part, of course, are the persistent rumors that she's in a family way - thus ruining any hope I had that she was only married to him for the sake of the tabloids.

Why, Britney, have you forsaken me?